Nana I'm Going to Meet you
by nekomiao
Summary: A songfic about Nana's emotions.


The day after you left, I cried so hard that I think I cried a part of my soul out into the world. I wanted to reach out to you so much, I wanted to show you just how strong I could be. I wanted to do so much with myself that I believed I had to lose a part of myself to do it. The sound of the train leaving tore at my heart so much that the stabbing pains remained as the sound faded from my ears. I heard that sound for many nights to come after you left. I lay awake at night wondering if you were feeling the same as me.

望んでも自分はただ無力で  
青く澄んだ秋の空遠すぎて  
思い詰めてしまう自分が悲しくて  
かなわない事もあるよって、笑った。  
No matter how much I wish, I'm powerless  
The clear by Autumn sky so far away  
I get sad brooding over things  
and laugh that "some things don't come true"

Night after night, I'd sit there staring at the unplayed guitar which lay at the end of my bed. I tried so hard to draw up the inspiration once more but it seemed like a part of my life that I didn't want to look at anymore. After so much time learning everything, it's kind of hard to believe it was all gone. I wanted so much to be with you. I wanted to have gone with you and see just how far I could go but I knew...

もし僕に願い事が一つだけ　かなうとしたら―  
でもふと気づくと僕には、心の底から望むことなんて何一つ無かった。  
If I could have just one wish come true  
But then I noticed, deep in my heart there just wasn't anything I wanted.

Nobody came to see me for a while, but I guess deep down I knew that they were secretly caring for me. I guess I just didn't realize the impact that I could have on people and my yearning to be on stage grew as I thought back to what it felt like to play in a band. Although I knew it would never be the same. Not that it mattered. I needed to reach out towards someone. And unwittingly...you provided a target for me to reach. Although I guess you knew that at the time.

ただもし僕にも　うたがうたえるなら  
まだ生きてる事が　許されるなら  
僕は僕のために　自分を削って燃やすよ  
誰かの心に一瞬でも　響いたなら  
僕はこの世界に　生まれてきてよかったんだね・・・？  
If at least I can sing, and I'm allowed to live,  
I'll shave away then burn myself for my own sake,  
If for at least "a moment" I'll resound in someone's heart.  
"Was it OK for me to be born to this world...?

Everyday I worked on my vocals, just to try and reach higher. To be better than the vocalist inthe band that took you away. I had withdrawn from everybody by that time so I didn't really have many things to work with. I knew that they wanted to keep going...but I didn't have the strength to take the fate of everybody and guide them wit my own voice. What if I couldn't make it? What if I couldn't be better than you. Back then I felt such a huge grudge, I felt so betrayed by what you had done. And yet...I wanted you so much. I didn't know what was wrong with me. How was I supposed to feel?

いつかみんな死ぬんだってわかってれば  
こんな憎み合う事もないのかな？  
僕はただ純粋（きれい）になりたくて  
なれない自分がよくイヤになるよ  
If we can understand that we'll all die one day, I wonder if  
we wouldn't hate each other so much?  
I just want to be pure and I can't  
so I hate myself sometimes.

With that in mind I believed it was time for me to go. Our hometown was too small, I was never going to be able to fly higher than you if I stayed here forever. I didn't eve nkow what I was going to do. I left everybody behind. I didn't want to take anybody down with me in my own ambitions. I packed my bags and went alone. I never pulled away from anyone...I didn't want to betray them that way. They knew I was going...I just didn't want to take them with me. Their fates were theirs. It's what you taught me...

僕の心は「何か」が欠けているから  
無意識に人を傷つけてしまうんだ  
でも、こんな僕にもまだ誰かの心に強く  
刻める「何か」が与えられてるとしたら  
There is "something" missing from my heart so unconsciously  
I hurt people.  
But if I'm given this "something" that I can mark deeply  
on other people's hearts.

Tokyo was just like our hometown. The cheering crowds and the bouncing bodies in tune with our performance. The things that the audience don't think we notice but I could feel everything radiating from them. I want to perform on a bigger stage, I want to feel a bigger atmosphere. People wanting to hear my voice and see me performing on the stage. I want ... I want to be on a bigger stage. And look into a sea of people and assure each and every one of them that I am thankful for them for being there for my music. Although they will never see the tears on my face, each of the audience members touches me. It's part of being a vocalist, right?

僕はこの「体」で　自分をブチ壊すよ  
もしまだ僕に時間が残されてるなら  
この日の風のにおい、通りを行く人々  
何でもないような事をそう、確かめるだけで  
僕はなぜか少し、救われた気がするんだ・・・  
I'm going to smash myself ot bits with this body,  
Supposing that I've enough time left,  
The smell of this wind on this day, people going along the street  
I felt that I had somehow been saved a little just by  
assuring myself of these ordinary things

The young girl sat quietly in that room, her head resting on her knee as she propped her leg up on the seat by her. A cigarrette lay gently on her lips as the smoke wafted gently into the air. She sighed quietly as the thoughts continued to run through her mind. Memories of the long past which played everynight as if on an endless rewind. Memories that she would lock up during the day and hope would be gone by nightfall. They never left her...and in all the photos of him, it was present around his neck. Every time she saw him she could feel the pang in her heart. For now all she could do was focus on what she had. She had to become one of the best, and nothing can stop her. She wasn't going to let everything go to waste now.

神様は僕にこの「声」をくれた  
きれいな花見られる「目」をくれた  
"きれい。"と感じられる「心」をくれた  
それで僕はあの人に、何を返せた？  
God gave me this "voice"  
and these eyes to see the pretty flowers  
and this heart that feels what "pretty" is  
and what did I give god in return?

神様のくれたこの体使って  
生きてるこの喜びをうたうんだ  
あの空の青さや、太陽のあたたかさ  
揺らめく木々の葉　こぼれる光  
I sing the jow of living using this body given to me by god,  
that sky's blueness, the sun's warmth  
the light cast down through the shaking leaves of the trees

At that point in her life she thought she had moved on. She had wanted something so much that it was overbearing. Wanted something for so long that when it finally becomes within reach...it was too painful to take. The key lay heavy in her pocket as she stared out over the view of the expanse of water below. A gentle chill ran down her spine as the memories reached a peak once more, the scene replaying in her mind and threatening to draw tears to her eyes once more. She took a shuddering breath.

いつか消えるのなら  
「生きてる」愛しさや、悲しみや辛さまで、受け止めるんだ  
僕はここに、いるよ  
ちゃんと感じて、いるよ？  
誰かがこのちっぽけな僕を求めてくれたら・・・  
僕はもう、それでいいよ。  
If I'm going to someday disappear,  
I'll hold the dearness of "having lived".  
the sadness and even the pain.  
I am here now.  
I feel it...I guess?  
If only someone wanted me as tiny as I am  
I'd be fine with just that

The voice was barely a whisper as she spoke into the darkened room. Just next door a sleeping girl tossed in her bed.

君に会いに行こう。  
I'm going to meet you.


End file.
